Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
.... Time for you and time for me.
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
...And indeed there will be time
To wonder, ``do I dare?'' and, ``Do I dare?''
How can I forget these lines, how can I forget Eliot being taught… it was those days when I was brimming in love.
I was a student in a remote village college, A BA English literature student, it was my first year and we have not yet touched each other. Her eyes were two teaspoons of the Mediterranean and I watched her eyes reading Eliot. She was such a good student and she loved me because she loved Eliot.
And it came to pass, it was an evening, there was hours to go for the sun to reside for the kerosene lamps to be lighted, and thousands of married people to cuddle into each other and another thousand to search for sinful pleasures.
We were talking in the classroom about Eliot, about the biblical allusion in this poem from Deuteronomy, and how the modernism of Eliot and pound failed. my other friends have left, I and she were alone talking as the evening spread out against the sky,
It was the fairies and the Gods that took my fingers to meet her fingernails, do I dare do I dare.
she clutched my hands which I didn’t expect. there was fear in us, for it was a college, the watchman may come anytime to close the class rooms, my heart thumped to the sound of the volleyball team practicing afar.
We stood and hugged,
i didn’t know how to hug when you are in love, for there was love and lust, and she was short, she couldn’t reach my cheeks, she has never kissed in the mouth, we were children, we were 18, which means in India, we are still kids.
I leaned down to get her kiss,
Her lips were small, my lower lip was too thick, and she could only lick it.
Her eyes were half closed, i thought she would fall, she forgot the whole world, but the principal and the watchman rang into my mind, i regret it till this day for not forgetting myself.
When she is in love she forget her selves, even her body ahs she was in my arms,
but i couldn’t stand, the thing between my legs was getting hard and i couldn’t stand, i kissed deep inside her mouth, she couldn’t breath for she had asthma, that was the first and the last time that i kissed in her mouth.
i forced her, i didn’t think of her pleasure, i forced her to jack me off. i didn’t know hoe to enter her pussy, i forced her hand on my dick and she had to jack me off.. With guilt hand fear she did it.. Jesus the cum, she couldn’t stand it.
i knew i was sinning, sinning, sinning, the son of a priest sinning against heaven and earth.
i pulled my zipper up, and asked her, "let us go, the watchman may come"
are u fed up with me, don’t you love me, she questioned into my eyes,
i couldn’t stand it, i couldn’t stand it.. we left.
i thought that was the greatest sin i could do...
But yesterday she called me,
And she recalled that moment of panic after 6 years,
" You were like a child, you couldn’t wait, and you wanted mamma so fast"